I know what you’re thinking…
“Not another bloody love letter!”
Sadly so. I mean, Valentine’s day wouldn’t be Valentine’s day without a spot of penned romance, right? And let’s face it, what are the alternatives? A pair of heart-speckled underpants and a cheap bottle of red? I thought not. I know you’d prefer me to jump out of a box wearing nothing but a pair of steaks dangling from my nipples – but living so far away – this will be my consolation prize. Yes, another one to be tucked at the back of a drawer, collecting dust or used as a makeshift cigarette roach. I don’t mind. I’m not offended. Not offended at all *weeps*
I’m not gonna lie, I thought it would be easy to write this letter. I thought the words would shoot right out of my fingertips. Voila! The jobs done. But no. Hours and hours of writing and rewriting the same bloody paragraph and my eyeballs have officially melted into my laptop screen.
So, with blurry vision and zero to show for it, I thought… Screw it! I’m just going to write from the heart. Let’s be done with all this Mills and Boon’ bullshit! It’s not really me. And let’s face it, our marriage isn’t exactly the picture-perfect love romance.
And therefore, I have resorted to sitting in the bathtub. Neck deep in bubbles, Rosé at arm’s reach. I’m equipped with ‘iPhone’ and I’m ready to rip open my heart and bare my soul… well, not quite. (Note to Amanda; Tone down the melodramatics!)
I’m ready to write my letter to you…
❤ ❤ ❤
I don’t know if it was fate or too much alcohol that brought us together? I could take a wild guess and say the latter. We were young. Teetering on the edge of adulthood. I caught your eyes in a crowded room. Hair dyed red, multiple piercings. There was something in the way you moved. Arms flapping recklessly, not a care in the world. I liked you, and I think you liked me too. But, this was irrelevant, I lassoed you into my wing regardless and the rest, as they say, was history…
Or so I thought.
Come morning, you had fled. “Another one bites the dust” I sighed. But I had you all wrong. With one text of an ‘old skool’ Nokia, you came rushing back. As it turned out, you liked the bohemian, hot pant wearing, crazy girl. And I was quite taken by the quirky, coffee-loving, aspiring musician. And so, we started dating. Picnics in the park and late night shenanigans. Love’s young dream, some might say. We’d spend our days fantasying about our future together…
Cruising the American out-stretch in a VW camper. Wind blowing through our hair, skin kissed by the blazing sun. I can picture it now. I can taste the sweet anticipation of those future roads ahead. Winding, but never ceasing.
Our adventure. Our future. Forever, you and me.
We never quite made it to the American outback, but life with you was more than anything I could have ever dreamt of. You were everything I wished for and more… minus the messiness and long political ramblings (but we can let that slide!). We may have been chalk and cheese, but it worked. We were happy together. Genuinely happy.
It was meant to be.
Years later, you took me by surprise, and proposed to me in the middle of a bustling shopping centre (you old romantic, you!) and, without a glimmer of hesitation, I said YES! There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my days with you.
We married soon after. A beautiful outdoors ceremony. It was one the happiest days of my life. Loved up and floating in ecstasy, we began our wedded life together. We relished in the honeymoon period for a while, but it wasn’t long before our feet touched the ground and ‘everyday life’ gave us a tap upon the shoulder.
We hit hard times, like any other couple. But we were invincible, you and me. Whatever life hurled at us, we would battle through – unscathed and triumphant. In fact, what should have torn us apart, only made us more determined.
We were warriors. Untouchable. Us against the world.
One day, our bubble burst and showered us in a reality that neither of us dare to confess; we were losing each other and, no matter how hard we fought, we never seemed to catch a break. The odds were stacking against us and we were losing faith. It was only a matter of time before it all came toppling down…
And, OH BOY, it did.
We experienced the heartbreak of watching our marriage crumble. Rubble beneath our feet. Irreparable, so we thought. Lost, confused and defeated…we walked away.
You went your way and I went mine.
I packed your clothes into boxes and took your pictures off the walls. You deleted me from your social media. Poof. Gone. Like I never existed. I took my wedding ring off and you threw yours into a lake. We drifted for a while, pretending to get on with our lives. Pretending that this was the right thing to do. We were better off without each other.
I busied myself every second of every day; anything to stop myself from thinking about you. I tried to get on with my life. Tried to erase you from my mind. I even convinced myself that I was happier without you …but who was I kidding?
The truth is, I never stopped thinking about you. And as much as I tried to lead a life without you, I simply couldn’t. I was lost without you. But,
…one day, it struck me!
I never really lost you at all. We may have lost our way, but we never stopped loving each other. And so, gradually, your clothes made their way back into the drawers. Your pictures hooked back on the wall. And although our wedding fingers remained bare, we were back in each other’s lives and more determined than ever to make it work. We just knew that one day, despite all the tears and commotion, our dreams would breathe life once again.
And as I sit here in bubble heaven, shrivelling like a prune and a little tipsy on wine, I bring this letter to a close…
My darling husband,
Words always fall short whenever I wish to tell you how special you are to me, but all I can say is that I love you from the deepest depths of my heart. Always have, always will.
Your crazy, bohemian, not-so-mini-short wearing wife.
(Back in the day when ‘badger hair’ was in fashion!)
❤ ❤ ❤
Ps; HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!