Today we celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. Can you believe it? 4 years! I could write some gooey, heartfelt essay about my undying love for you, but I’m not going to do that! It’s not really me. And let’s face it, our marriage isn’t the picture perfect love romance…
Let’s go back to a time when we looked at each other, I mean, really looked at each other, and thought we were luckiest people in the world! I believed I had struck gold when you stumbled, rather drunkenly, into my life. Our beginning wasn’t the most romantic, but it was a moment I will forever cherish.
Let’s travel back 9 years, when our eyes first met over a crowded dance-floor. At that moment, It was like no one else was in the room. Time Stood still. Cheesy music filled the smoke-infested air, I couldn’t understand a word that fell from your lips, but this was irrelevant, the music spoke for us. I took your hand and I never let go…
I was troubled when you met me, you were too. Lost and misunderstood, we understood each other, and that’s all that mattered. We lit up each other’s paths and guided each other out from the darkness. You helped heal me in ways no one else could. You were my savior, and I yours.
You weren’t like any of the others, you were unique. You were everything I could have wished for and more! You took on my daughter as if she were your own, and for many years we were happy, truly happy. We were untouchable, unbreakable.
One day, our rose-tinted bubble burst and sprinkled reality over our dreamy worlds. Tears of laughter transformed into to tears of sorrow. Our smiles changed into continuous scowls. Long conversations about nothing-in-particular, turned into tiresome disputes. We fought, we sulked, we finger-pointed, we surrendered.
Silence fell upon us…
We were drowning in a sea of hopelessness, weighing each other down, pulling each other under to take a breath for ourselves. We became lost in this sea of selfishness, blame and rejection.Our love for one another had sunk deep down under the ocean we were drowning in. It was always there, we just couldn’t see it through the distorted darkness.
We could have let go. Sometimes I question whether this would have been easier and less heartbreaking. The truth is, I didn’t ever want to let you go. The thought was too painful. Deep down, beneath the fragility and uncertainty, I loved you more than anything in the world. I didn’t want anyone else. It was only ever you!
As time passed, we stopped fighting it, we succumbed the constant struggle. Submerged in a sea of despair, we did let go. We stopped dragging each other down and gave each other space to breathe. Over time, the ripples became less contorted and we finally found what we were searching for – Love.
Things will never be the rose-tinted picture of idealism we painted for ourselves. The truth is, things were never picture perfect. We just allowed ourselves to believe so.
True love is more than kisses and romance. True love is about conquering the roughest of rides. True love is about learning from the mistakes we make along the way. True love is about loving someone unconditionally, through the good times and the bad.
Mr Lyle, what I’m trying to say, is, although our marriage is far from perfect, I wouldn’t have it any other way! I love you from the deepest depths of my heart. Here’s to our ‘perfectly imperfect’ marriage, and many many more years of suffering, anguish and pain!
I love you always,
Your wife, Amanda xx
P.S: Where’s my card and flowers?!