“I’m going to the library my love, don’t wait up!”

 

Are these the words of a husband devoted to his work, or the words of a liar and a cheat? If greeted with the above comment, some partners wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Others, may go into hypo-drive and begin to think of every eventuality under the sun. Why on earth would their husbands want to trade them in for long nights at the library? Surely, There must be another woman! Maybe those books aren’t the only thing keeping him company?

 

 

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Flipping the coin, your wife begins to spend most of her free time at the gym. Do you accept this for what it is or do alarm bells start ringing? Images of her  thrusting her pelvis into the face of another man fill your head, and you become stuck in that vicious paranoia trap.

 

can married men be friends with women?

 

That same paranoia trap that makes our other halves keep their lives more secretive, in fear of causing confrontation or upset. The more secretive they are the more paranoid we become, a destructive cycle to become stuck in. We could drive ourselves to insanity thinking of the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘could have’s’. If your partner is going to cheat, the sad truth is, they are going to cheat.

We can only hold so much control, and unless you handcuff his hands and feet to the bed, it is very much out of your control. However, you should always allow room for the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty, right? and until that point, why worry yourself? If he does turn out to be a cheat, handcuff him to that bed and throw away the key!

 

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It’s the 21st Century which means anything goes. Well, mostly anything! It’s a fact, Men are friends with women and women are friends with men. Most of us women have that male friend we can call up whenever we are having man problems.

Whether they are an old school friend or a colleague from work, They give us that male perspective on a problem and suddenly things make sense! But is that male friend just a friend? Is there an ulterior motive behind those friendly calls and coffee dates. Shoe on the other foot, your husband may have a lady friend he may seek a female perspective from. Throwing a spanner into the works, what if that lady friend had developed feelings for your husband (whether he is aware or unaware) is this acceptable? Does it break the code of friendship? How do we resolve such dilemma’s?

 

barbie getting jiggy with one direction

 

If you surveyed a mass of married couples, I am certain you would get very mixed views on this subject. This is because there is no black or white answer, there is no right or wrong. Whilst some couples may encourage their other halves to meet up with friends of the opposite sex, for others this very act could make them break into a state of panic. There is almost always an element of jealousy, rivalry or competition. It’s only natural to have these feelings and it just shows that we care. We are protective of our loved ones and wouldn’t want anyone to jeopardise our marriage.

 

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If a pretty blonde bombshell suddenly takes an interest in your husband, of course, you’re going to do everything in your power to prevent anything from happening. I question if your husband’s female friend was unattractive… would you still have a problem with him seeing her? It is always important to ask yourself why is this a problem? It may well be a problem within yourself, an insecurity or a control issue.

As a couple, it is fundamental to agree on appropriate boundaries. Personally, I wouldn’t like the thought of my husband sneakily meeting up for coffee with one of his colleagues, but yet, I appreciate that it would be completely unfair of me to say he couldn’t do so. To avoid the paranoia trap so many of us fall into, it is important to talk to your partner about any concerns you may have. A simple heart-to-heart could eliminate all of your fears and change your entire perspective. He might just have his head in that book after all…

 

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 ©  All images are my own (Don’t tell my daughter I spent the afternoon playing with her dolls!)
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