Losing my husband to his diamond crushing obsession.
Yesterday I challenged my husband to an entire day without… *DRUM ROLL PLEASE*… Social Media. In return, I said I would do anything that he pleases. He smiled like a Cheshire cat and said with all confidence, ‘It’s a deal!’. 6 hours in and I catch him red handed playing on his bloody phone! I guess it’s fair to say that I have lost my husband to…Candy Crush!
Ever since my husband returned from his trip to Jordan, he has become obsessed with this game. Every time I walk into the room, he is bent over, goggle-eyed and staring longingly into his phone. Our romantic evenings together – curled up on the sofa and watching films – have become invaded by his Candy crushing obsession! On Christmas day, as the children unwrapped their presents, darling husband was sat in the corner..you guessed it… candy crushing! At the dinner table, on a date and even sat on the toilet…CANDY ‘FREAKEN’ CRUSHING!
I try to communicate with him, only to be greeted with silence. At some point I am going to have to give him an ultimatum – It’s me or the candy! That phone gets more fingering action than I do and it’s become somewhat of a joke! Aside from the Candy Crush, it’s all the scrolling…scrolling, scrolling, scrolling! Facebook to Twitter, scroll…scroll…scroll! Gone with the days when he actually paid me attention. Now that Candy Crush has come along, I don’t get so much as a look in. I could be dancing over his lap wearing nothing but a pair of nipple tassels, slapping him repeatedly in the face…and STILL, he would be saying “let me just complete this level!”.
When I see him slouched over the kitchen counter fiddling with those buttons, I feel like going over to him and giving him a surprise Heimlich Maneuver. Not only to scare the sh** out of him but to throw him off course! Although, a loss in precious candies would probably tip him over the edge and into some sort of spiral of madness. I would happily delete his Candy Crush App if he actually put his phone down for a minute, and if he didn’t have 10 different codes of security (He’s on to me!).
The truth is, I want my husband back! I guess there is only one place left for him…